The Cannibalistic Cannabis
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: There's a fine line between pot and eating other humans. And Gasman's about to discover that line. - Post-Nevermore One-shot.


The Cannibalistic Cannabis

"Hi, Fang."

The teen hardly looked away from the wood that he was sawing. "Hey."

"What are you doing?"

"You know what I'm doing."

Gasman frowned. "Well, you're building you and Max's treehouse. I know that."

"Then why are you bothering me?" Fang glanced up at him then, moving to wipe the sweat from his brow. "Because if it's the same creepy stuff that Nudge was doing before-"

"What was Nudge doing before so that I can be sure I'm not doing it?"

Fang gave the boy a long look before looking around. As he had been doing for the past few weeks, Fang was spending his time away from island work rebuilding a treehouse for him and Max. Other than some random help from other guys around the island, chopping down trees or other heavy lifting, Fang tried to do it all by himself. It was proving hard, sweaty work, but it was paying off in the fact it was making Max very, very…well, not horny as Fang sadly found out as she had yet to give it up, but she still showed appreciation in other ways. She caught him squirrels for dinner and didn't get so mad anymore when he spent more time with Iggy than her. All and all, it was pretty awesome.

Except for what happened yesterday.

"As I found out yesterday, Nudge has been having her stupid, chick friends trade her stuff for the ability to come watch me work," Fang said simply. The Gasman just blinked.

"And why would she do that?"

"Because she's eating more than she's working for and they were giving her fruit that-"

"No, I mean, why would those girls wanna watch you work?" Gasman just kept staring at Fang. "Do you, like, do funny stuff while you work? Are you secretly a comedian? Or do you sing? Sing for me, Fang."

"No, you idiot." Fang shook his head then before gesturing to himself. "I'm, like, hot."

"Oh. Then go swimming."

"No, _Gazzy_," Fang complained then. "Not hot as in-"

"You're sweating. Go swimming."

"That's not the…yes, stupid, I am hot. But I what I meant was that…other people…girls…especially ones Nudge's age….find me attractive."

That got Gasman to blink again. "Oh."

"Yeah. And it's really hot out here, so I just work in my jeans, shirtless. And so do my friends when I ask them to help me. So she was kind of, you know, basically selling spots to hide in the jungle around us to watch."

"That's…weird. Girls are weird."

"Well." When Fang thought about it though, he'd pay to watch some of the older chicks on the island in next to nothing (also in nothing, in case anyone was wondering). But that was different, because he was a guy. Girls doing it was much, much nastier.

Unless Max found out about him wanting to see other women on the island in next to…okay, just in nothing at all, honestly. Because he was pretty sure she wouldn't like that. At all. Which was why he wouldn't do it. Not just because no one was offering (why wasn't anyone offering?), but also because he had high moral standards (sort of). So there.

"I mean really, really weird. Who would wanna watch someone else sweat?"

"You're young," Fang mumbled as he got back to work. "Too young."

"Well, anyways," Gasman began again as he took a step closer to the older boy. "I was wonderin' if you wanted to, you know, play with me."

"Gazzy, you can see just as well as anybody that I'm working."

"That's all you ever do is work. If you aren't helping at the island or in the labs, you're working on this stupid treehouse."

"That's what life is now, Gasman. I work and then work some more. You sort of work and then you get to play."

"When do you get to play?"

"Me and Max have a different kind of play that we do at-"

"Ew. That's disgust-"

"I just meant that we hangout, pervert."

"What's that?"

Fang groaned then before looking at the eleven year old once more. "Go do something else, huh? I can't hangout with you. I'm sure Iggy-"

"Iggy's been hanging out with new friends. He says that I should find friends my own age."

"Then why don't you? I thought that you liked playing soccer with those boys that you-"

"I do," Gasman told him. "But I wanna hangout with you guys. Angel's always playing princess or pirates or something stupid and Nudge only wants to talk about boys. Then Max is always working and you're always working and Iggy's…never really working, but he says that's okay because he's blind and Max owes him disability."

Fang snorted. "Max owes him something alright."

"Fang, play with me! No one ever wants to play. Except for Dylan, but I mean…he's not that fun."

"Damn straight he's not."

"Well, if you don't want me to hangout with Dylan, then you had better play with me."

"You ain't Max. I don't care if you wanna spend your time with him or not." Fang gave the younger boy a long look then. "Now bug off. I'm busy. I'm sorry that you have no friends or life and are a loser. Really sorry."

"Fang-"

"Look, buddy, I'm busy, okay? Max is only going to be patient about me building this thing for so long. Eventually she's going to want to benefit from it or have me spend my free time with her. And I am not losing the chance of cashing in me building this for something better. So if you wanna hangout with someone, go help Dr. Martinez in the labs. Or go taunt Jeb from his cage. Or better yet, go do some fucking work. I don't care. Just leave me alone."

"Fine!"

So off the little boy went, now adding Fang to the list of people he was upset with. At the top of the list though was himself for ever even wanting to hangout with the stupid members of the Flock. They weren't a family anymore. Maybe they never were!

As he was stomping around, angry at the world for ever cursing him with his stupid gullibility as to believe that Max or Fang or Iggy or Nudge or Angel ever really cared about him, Gasman neglected to pay any attention at all to his sense of direction. He was going deeper and deeper into the treacherous jungle without paying any mind at all to the path he was taking or where he was stepping. It all turned out okay though as he ran into one of the older kids eventually, who called out to him.

"Whoa, little man," the older boy greeted as the Gasman stormed passed him. "Where are you headed off to?"

"I don't know! And I don't care!"

"Well, maybe- Hey, aren't you the Gas-"

"No," he answered quickly, turning to face that other kid. The guy looked about Iggy's or Fang's age, dressed in board shorts and an unbuttoned dress shirt. Perched atop his head were a pair of cool looking sunglasses, the kind that had different colored lenses that kind looked blue, red, and orange all at the same time. That alone made Gasman pay his full attention to the other guy. The thing that really interested the Gasman though was the rolled up piece of something the other guy had in his hand, the end of it burning slightly. "I'm not."

"Well, okay then," the teen said, looking the boy over. "You look upset."

"I am upset. I hate everyone."

"That's no way to think about the world, little buddy." The older guy smiled at him then before taking an extended drag from whatever he was smoking. It was the smoke that came from his mouth, deformed in a way Gazzy had never seen before, that mostly interested the little boy. "What's got you all…pissy?"

"I hate my family."

"Ah." The other teen laughed then, rather loudly. "Family is like this…thing, right? But the thing is, buddy, that this…thing? It don't really exist. So don't call this thing a family. Call it what it is. Nothing."

"I don't…get it," Gasman said then, but the other teen just laughed before walking off again. The Gasman was not going to get left behind though. "Wait up!"

The teen didn't stop, but that was okay, because he was walking so slowly that Gazzy easily caught him.

"Where'd you get that?" Gasman asked him then, nodding at the thing between the teen's fingers. "What is it?"

"Cigar paper," the teen told him. "Rolled up with some stuff in it."

"What kind of stuff? And where'd you get cigar paper?"

That made the teen laugh again. "You're great, kid. You're really great."

"Did you get it from the scientists?"

"Something like that."

"Then-"

"It's a thing, okay, kid?" The teen took another deep drag then. "We grow it here, okay, kid? And the bossy lady can't find out, okay, kid?"

"Grow it? The cigar-"

"No, kid. The…you know."

"I know what?"

The guy laughed again, almost as if he were exasperated at that point. "We got some shit, okay? From the last time someone went off the island. Some…seeds. We're growing, okay?"

"Growing?"

"The…" The guy looked around again, almost as if he was afraid someone would hear them. Paranoia much? Then, whispering the next part, he said, "The cannabis."

* * *

"Cannabis. Cannabis."

"Hmmm." Angel just stared at the Gasman before shaking her head. "I've never heard of it either."

"The guy told me that they meet, you know? Out in the jungle and hangout with…cannabis. And Max ain't supposed to know about it. Dr. Martinez either."

"Hmmm." Angel was still thinking then. "If you showed me one of these guys, maybe I could, you know, go into their minds or whatever?"

"No," Gazzy sighed. "They said I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, you know? I don't want them to know that I lied."

"Then what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know."

The Gasman had found his sister in her hut, playing with some stupid dolls that she had. He had gone off to find her after having a pretty in-depth conversation with the teen he had hung around before, who he later found out was named Ryan. Ryan was pretty freaking awesome when compared to Iggy and Fang. He actually took Gasman seriously. He told him very interesting things and expressed his fear that Max would slowly become a dictator and that was why they had to hide their cannabis activity from her.

The only problem?

The Gasman still wasn't too sure what 'cannabis' was exactly. And he couldn't tell that to cool Ryan. Oh, no. Because then cool Ryan would realize that he wasn't nearly as cool as he was portraying himself to be. So, in his infinite wisdom, Gasman immediately headed out to find his sister when he was done talking to cool Ryan because Angel basically knew everything. Everything.

Apparently except for what cannabis was.

"It sounds cool though, doesn't it?" the Gasman asked Angel. "Cannabis."

"I feel like I've heard it somewhere before."

"Me too."

"I just…" Angel sat there for a long moment, staring down at her dolls, before suddenly looking back up at the Gasman. "Oh my God, Gazzy!"

"What?"

"Oh my God, I know where I've heard it before!"

"Where?"

"In the Schools."

"They had cannabis in Schools?"

Angel nodded then, staring into his eyes. "Cannabis is when people eat other people!"

"What?"

"Yeah! There were cannabis people in the School while we were there. Remember? They would eat each other. Remember? And it was really, really-"

"Angel, are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Oh my God," Gasman said as he slowly moved to lay on his back on one of the pallets Nudge and Angel slept on. "Oh dear God. Cool Ryan isn't cool! He's a cannabis."

"A cannabis," Angel agreed.

"And that means that he-"

"Eats people."

"That's horrible."

"It is."

"And now they think that I'm a cannabis too. But I'm not a cannabis!"

Angel let out a long sigh. "That's what you get, Gasman, for trying to be cool. When will you learn that you're not meant to have friends outside of us? Huh? When will you learn?"

"What are we going to do?" the preteen moaned while Angel just went back to her toys. She knew for a fact she was safe. There was no way that someone would eat her. She'd just get into their minds and make them stop. Duh. It was everyone else that had to worry. "Should we tell Max?"

"I dunno," Angel said, shrugging slightly. "I guess so. I think she'd want to know there is cannabis-ism going on. I mean, this is her island after all."

"And we should tell Dr. Martinez too. And Ella. They're just normal humans. They're probably who the cannabis will go after first."

"Probably."

"So let's go. We have to tell Max about this right now."

"Meh." Angel looked up at him with a shrug. "That's not really in my plans for the day."

"What? Angel-"

"I'm sorry that people are getting eaten and everything, but no one I know has gotten eaten, so…I don't really care yet."

"Angel!" Gazzy sat up so quickly he almost got vertigo. "Are you a human or aren't you?"

"Well, I like to think that I'm far superior to most humans, but deep down, beyond all my awesomeness, yes, I am just human."

He blinked. Then he blinked again. "Well, if you're human then you should feel for other humans. What would Max do if she found out about cannabis?"

"Probably put a stop to it."

"Yes! So come on. We have to warn her."

"Just go alone," Angel said as she continued to play with her toys. "Just don't get eaten."

"You're a disgrace to all humanity."

"Yeah, well, you're ugly. And starting to get kind of fat. You should workout more."

With that word to the wise, Gasman rushed out of the hut and began his long trek of find Max, making sure to avoid cool Ryan and any other guy that looked just as cool. He was pretty sure that they were all in it together. They had to be, to be able to take people from the island and cover it all up so well. Those horrible cannabis!

It was harder to find Max than Gazzy thought. She was not with Nudge or Ella or even Iggy. He couldn't find her in the caves or on the beach or in the hut she was using until Fang finally finished their treehouse. He was too nervous to tell anyone other than Max about the news first, for fear that they either wouldn't believe him or would be part of the cannabis movement.

It was finally when he gave up on finding Max and instead started looking for Fang that he found the teen girl. She was, of course, with her boyfriend, at the worksite Fang had dismissed Gazzy from before. Fang was just as shirtless as ever (Gazzy was starting to suspect it just wasn't the heat that kept him out of clothes, but rather Fang's own enjoyment of his body) and seated on the ground while Max sat between his legs, staring up at the home Fang was building for the two of them. It probably would have been a romantic moment for anyone other than the panicked eleven year old, who was mostly out of breath by that point after running around the island for at least an hour, looking for Max.

…God, maybe he did need to start working out some…

"Max," he panted out as he came to a stop in the little clearing they were in. "Max, Fang, I have to-"

"Gazzy, are you okay?" Max asked, the concern evident in her tone. Max's concerned voice did not prompt her to get out of her boyfriend's hold, however. Duh. She was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. She figured that the Gasman was just coming to tattle on Nudge or his sister or something. "What's wrong?"

"There's…people…here…who…eat…other-"

"Buddy, take a breath," Fang sighed, holding Max tightly to him as they both stared at the little boy. "You need some water or something?"

He shook his head, staring down at the ground as he continued to pant for a moment or two. Once he had his breath back in his body, he looked up at them once more, tossing his hair from his eyes.

"There are people on this island who eat other people," he told Max and Fang, his tone giving off just how serious he was. "And- Stop laughing!"

Max and Fang couldn't help it though. While her boyfriend was just snickering, Max was honestly laughing out loud, grinning like crazy.

"Gasman," Max said once she finally sobered again. "I'm sorry. It's just…what are you talking about?"

"I was walking around the island after Fang was mean to me this afternoon-"

Max elbowed her boyfriend rather hard. "You were mean to him?"

"I wasn't mean to him. It's just…he's annoying sometimes and-"

"Would you both shut up and listen to me?" Gasman was near tears at that point. There was cannabis on the island and they were just going about their day like there was nothing wrong. It was infuriating!

"Go ahead," Max said, snuggling back against Fang, who did this disgusting thing then where he kissed her shoulder and made Gasman about want to barf. "We're listening."

"I ran into this really, really cool guy with these nice sunglasses and awesome shorts. Ryan?"

"He's hot," Max agreed causing Fang to pinch her. "What? I'm being conversational."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled.

"Well, anyways, Ryan was really nice, I thought, and we started talking," Gazzy went on. "So he started telling me about this group of people that gets together to eat each other and-"

"Gasman," Fang sighed. "I'm sure that this Ryan guy was just joking with you. You know, telling you a horror story to freak you out or-"

"No, Fang! I even talked about Angel about it and-"

"Oh, Gazzy, please tell me you didn't scare her," Max sighed.

"I didn't," he defended. "In fact, she was pretty okay with it and told me that she's better than normal humans and would be okay."

Fang snorted. That was almost as good as the disability thing Gazzy had told him earlier.

"Well, Gasman, I'm sure it was all just a joke, okay? And Fang and I are kind of, sort of, on a date right now, so-"

"Scram," Fang said then, causing him to get elbowed again. He didn't care though. "We're busy."

"You guys don't get it," the Gasman finally yelled. "There is cannabis on the island!"

That got Max and Fang to be quiet for a moment. Then, slowly, Max asked, "Did you say cannabis?"

"Yes." The Gasman took a breath. Finally, they were going to start listening to him. "Ryan told me about how they get together and do…I don't know. Cannabis things."

Fang paled a little. Oh, shit. The little fucker had just ruined-

"They're growing pot on my island?" Max pushed away from Fang then. "That's not possible. They-"

"Max, he's just a little kid. I'm sure he's just joking. Right, Gasman?" Fang wanted to hit the eleven year old then. He really did.

"No," Gazzy said, shaking his head with force. "Ryan told me about it. He said that they didn't want Max to find out about it because she'd ruin it. So ruin it, Max! I don't wanna get eaten!"

"Oh, I'm ruining it alright," Max fumed, heading off then. "Right freaking now."

Fang groaned as she left, rushing to grab the Gasman's shoulder as he headed off after her. Forcing the boy to turn and face him, Fang growled, "Why the hell would you do that?"

The Gasman frowned, looking up at the teen. "Do what?"

"Tell her about the weed, Gasman."

"I didn't," he said, frowning. "I told her about the cannabis. The people that eat other peop-"

"That's cannibalism, you big dope!" Fang threw the boy from him then, growing. "God, you've ruined everything. I have to…have to…"

"Fang," the Gasman whispered then. "Are you a cannabis too?"

"Look, you don't-"

"Max," Gazzy yelled, running off then, heading after his leader. Fang was far on his tail, but Gazzy was running for his life at that point; he honestly thought that Fang was going to eat him for tattling! "Max, help me! Fang's a cannabis too!"

And that's how the Gasman single handedly ruined the only fun thing on the entire island and also ruined Fang's chances of sleeping with Max any time soon.

Yep.

* * *

"I really hate you right now, little man. I really, really hate you."

Gasman made a face at Iggy in the darkness. "How was I supposed to know that you guys weren't eating people?"

"Try common fucking sense," Fang grumbled from the other side of the hut.

Yep. Max had kicked him out of their hut and he was now sleeping in Iggy and Gazzy's. You know, because he was doing what _nearly every other person in the world did_. His girl had some strange convictions, she did.

"Stop being mean to me," Gazzy complained from his pallet. "Max said-"

"I say that we throw you off a freaking cliff after tying your wings to your fucking back."

"Fang," Iggy complained before shaking his head. "Honestly, calm down. There has to be other plants on the island, natural plants, that we can smoke."

"We had something good going. We were all in on it. A freaking brotherhood."

"A brotherhood of people eaters," Gasman mumbled.

"That is cannibalism you big idiot!"

"Stop being mean to me!"

"He's right, Fang," Iggy said then. "Right now, most everyone on the island hates him. Everyone over the age of, like, fourteen, would gladly cast him off to sea to live on his own."

Gasman frowned in the darkness. "You guys were the ones that were wrong. Not me. Max says-"

"Max thinks that drinking and smoking and having sex is bad. Max is just a freaking…goddess. God, Gasman, I was this close to having sex with her. _This close_. And now all that's gone." Fang groaned, shifting on his little pallet. His and Max's hut never smelled as badly as Iggy and the Gasman's did. Never. "Now I've wasted all this time building up good credit. I was caring, I was romantic, I was loving-"

"Oh, cry me a river," Iggy grumbled. "Max isn't that great. If you really want to lose it, Fang, just lose it to someone else. I'm about done hearing you bitch about it."

"You shut up, Iggy. This is all your fault anyways. If you had just kept playing with the Gasman, none of this ever would have happened."

"It's not always my job to watch him, Fang. And here's a freaking novel idea. How about you don't lie to your girl all the fucking time? Huh? Then you wouldn't have to worry about her finding out about things constantly!"

"I agree with Iggy."

"Shut up, Gazzy, before I kill you myself." Fang took a deep breath before letting it out in a harsh manner. "You owe me so much right now, you know that?"

"I don't owe you guys nothing," Gasman said then, darkly. "Max told me that drugs leads to bad things like premarital sex and-"

"God, she's turned you into a girl," Iggy sniggered.

"So what does this mean? I'm never going to get laid?" Fang groaned. "Then this all really was for nothing. Premarital? The world is basically destroyed!"

"You shouldn't just wanna be with Max for sex," Gasman said. "She and Ella told me-"

"Ella's such a little whore," Iggy commented dryly then. He and Ella had broken up about two weeks ago and he was still rather bitter. "I've been fucking her since-"

"I don't, really don't, want to hear about your illustrious sex life right now, alright?" Fang moaned. "I can't smoke, I can't drink, I can't even get a freaking handjob from Max. What does she want me to do all day? Huh? Huh?"

"Right now I want you all to go to freaking sleep!" they heard someone (most certainly Max) yell from the hut next to theirs. Fang forgot that she was only right next door. Shit. Well, just shit.

"I love you, Max!" Fang yelled then, which made Gazzy and Iggy both snicker softly. "And I really, really want to come back home. Iggy's a horrible influence and-"

"Go to sleep, Fang!"

Moaning some more, he shifted again on his pallet while Gasman just smiled n the darkness. Though it hadn't been his plan, he had just successfully gotten revenge on Fang for calling him a loser before. Life, for the moment anyways, was good. Because he was nearly certain that in the morning, he'd feel the repercussions for basically being a nark.

But still, he had saved the day from an unreal threat and that had to count for something. He was technically still a hero.

Right?

* * *

**I feel like I've been neglecting Gasman as a character recently, so there you guys go. And actually, you'd be surprised how many times I say cannabis instead of cannibal when I'm talking too quickly. And yes, I do say cannibal more. We all need to talk about cannibals more. **


End file.
